Corona times....
Gal,
I know it would be years later when you will be reading this post. You would already be knowing this that in 2020, a disease named COVID 19 shook this entire planet. So this is such a time...a bad time, I should say...But lets stick to the positive sides and kind of look at you. You have always been the active one. You like museums, beaches and all the outdoor activities. So you have been affected by this pandemic just like any one in this world. Your Dad is held up in Chennai at his workplace. So it is 96 days I haven't seen him. Ever since I met him in 2006, this is the longest time I have not been able to see him. Ever since you are born, this is the longest time you have also not seen him. Initially you used to ask about him a lot, why is he not coming. You love him a lot and I guess you have associated all your fun activities like museum, beach and pitter patter with him.Initially you used to suggest lets keep one , each of every special snack you get, for Dad. It actually pricks me whenever you do that.
I will mention one another incident. I was explaining to you once how little Chinnu has gone to see her ammumma. I ended up saying Rithu is really lucky, since both ammumma and achamma are near you. And you said, pakshe achan ivide illallo. Yes gal, I realise it is really unlucky for both of us. So in this corona times, I have promised myself, I will do whatever I can ,to be with your Dad , try all my possibilities. I haven't been with many kids. But the intelligence you people are gifted with , often amaze me. I can never understand how a four year old is apprehending all these things.
Yesterday there was an incident. I always send you gals to play alone. Because I have good faith that you two will take care of each other. But yesterday Chinnu came down with small tears in eyes saying you pinched her. I don't know what happened. May be you pinched her slightly in your role play as teacher student or something. She wasn't crying too much also. But the idealist in me couldn't stand the idea of you raising hands on a little one. You were half way down the stairs and I asked you,"nee chinnuvine nulliyo?". You paused for a while, and then replied, "yes". I gave a slap on your arms then. You cried a lot. After going through entire tantrum and while crying, you asked ,"njan nulli enn paranjillaarnenkil enikk adi kolloolaarnello." O gal, My brain and heart paused for a while, that moment. The innocence with which your little brain was analyzing things.
My dear gal, I was wrong as a parent. I should admit that. One day when you grow up, old enough to read this, just know that Mom is very proud of you for saying the truth. One thing, Mom has learnt after going through all these years is that, in life, we will be often forced to make difficult decisions. We will get very very confused also. Sometimes the line of distinction between right and wrong is too narrow. But then how will we make a decision. The easiest way to decide is to make the right decision. Sticking to it might not be easy. It might be painful and difficult also. But in the long run, you would realise how much agony it saved you from. Always stay true to your ethics and morals. The decisions you make may not always be right. It might have seemed right during that time only. But its okay. You tried your best. You made a decision which you felt is the right decision with your heart and brain and you stood to it. That is enough dear girl. We must be able to live free, without any guilty consciousness to weigh us down, and live with our heads held high and more importantly, never ever put the responsibility of your life choices on someone else. From the very early years, you do it very effortlessly- the pointing out right and wrong in minnaminni and kalikudukka, So I have no doubt in your capability to make a right decision. I trust you fully in that. And always remember, as humans we can always go wrong. Don't go hard on yourself for anything. Life is not at all about being perfect in everything. It should be about, more than anything, living peacefully, contented and happily.
You, girl even in these tender years surprise me a lot. Last week, you were having race with little chinnu. First one, you won. And it was clear that Chinnu was getting bit sad. And i was amazed to see, you starting the next race, telling her Chinnu, we should always try. Winning is not important. And gal, halfway through the race, you slowed down. I could see it clearly , you slowing down, deliberately making her win and in the end celebrating her victory also. I had tears in my eyes seeing that. How you got the idea , I have no idea. Really. You should know, mom will always be proud of you only, for being the person you are. You have very short temper, full of tantrums...The things you say to me. Already judging me as a rebellious teenager. You can be really rude sometimes. Still your heart is raw and pure and passionate. And I am your biggest admirer as always.
Only thing, you are just a hearts person as me. When you are sad , you are very sad. You cling on to that unhappiness for long. You get frustrated and irritated also , at every little time, when things are not going according to your plans. Gal, this you must learn to control. May be by this time, when you are reading this, you might already have mastered it. Now you are just a 4 year old free spirit. Never ever allow any one or anything to be reason of your unhappiness. You find your happiness in your own heart. Do the right things always, you will be happy. How will you know what is a right thing. If it is bringing smiles to someone else, it ought to be a right thing. Always keep that perspective. Mom loves this poem so much. So posting it down here. You can grow to be an atheist or believer.That is your free will. In the latter case, just replace God with your own consciousness and it will be alright. Love you 3000- Amma.
I know it would be years later when you will be reading this post. You would already be knowing this that in 2020, a disease named COVID 19 shook this entire planet. So this is such a time...a bad time, I should say...But lets stick to the positive sides and kind of look at you. You have always been the active one. You like museums, beaches and all the outdoor activities. So you have been affected by this pandemic just like any one in this world. Your Dad is held up in Chennai at his workplace. So it is 96 days I haven't seen him. Ever since I met him in 2006, this is the longest time I have not been able to see him. Ever since you are born, this is the longest time you have also not seen him. Initially you used to ask about him a lot, why is he not coming. You love him a lot and I guess you have associated all your fun activities like museum, beach and pitter patter with him.Initially you used to suggest lets keep one , each of every special snack you get, for Dad. It actually pricks me whenever you do that.
I will mention one another incident. I was explaining to you once how little Chinnu has gone to see her ammumma. I ended up saying Rithu is really lucky, since both ammumma and achamma are near you. And you said, pakshe achan ivide illallo. Yes gal, I realise it is really unlucky for both of us. So in this corona times, I have promised myself, I will do whatever I can ,to be with your Dad , try all my possibilities. I haven't been with many kids. But the intelligence you people are gifted with , often amaze me. I can never understand how a four year old is apprehending all these things.
Yesterday there was an incident. I always send you gals to play alone. Because I have good faith that you two will take care of each other. But yesterday Chinnu came down with small tears in eyes saying you pinched her. I don't know what happened. May be you pinched her slightly in your role play as teacher student or something. She wasn't crying too much also. But the idealist in me couldn't stand the idea of you raising hands on a little one. You were half way down the stairs and I asked you,"nee chinnuvine nulliyo?". You paused for a while, and then replied, "yes". I gave a slap on your arms then. You cried a lot. After going through entire tantrum and while crying, you asked ,"njan nulli enn paranjillaarnenkil enikk adi kolloolaarnello." O gal, My brain and heart paused for a while, that moment. The innocence with which your little brain was analyzing things.
My dear gal, I was wrong as a parent. I should admit that. One day when you grow up, old enough to read this, just know that Mom is very proud of you for saying the truth. One thing, Mom has learnt after going through all these years is that, in life, we will be often forced to make difficult decisions. We will get very very confused also. Sometimes the line of distinction between right and wrong is too narrow. But then how will we make a decision. The easiest way to decide is to make the right decision. Sticking to it might not be easy. It might be painful and difficult also. But in the long run, you would realise how much agony it saved you from. Always stay true to your ethics and morals. The decisions you make may not always be right. It might have seemed right during that time only. But its okay. You tried your best. You made a decision which you felt is the right decision with your heart and brain and you stood to it. That is enough dear girl. We must be able to live free, without any guilty consciousness to weigh us down, and live with our heads held high and more importantly, never ever put the responsibility of your life choices on someone else. From the very early years, you do it very effortlessly- the pointing out right and wrong in minnaminni and kalikudukka, So I have no doubt in your capability to make a right decision. I trust you fully in that. And always remember, as humans we can always go wrong. Don't go hard on yourself for anything. Life is not at all about being perfect in everything. It should be about, more than anything, living peacefully, contented and happily.
You, girl even in these tender years surprise me a lot. Last week, you were having race with little chinnu. First one, you won. And it was clear that Chinnu was getting bit sad. And i was amazed to see, you starting the next race, telling her Chinnu, we should always try. Winning is not important. And gal, halfway through the race, you slowed down. I could see it clearly , you slowing down, deliberately making her win and in the end celebrating her victory also. I had tears in my eyes seeing that. How you got the idea , I have no idea. Really. You should know, mom will always be proud of you only, for being the person you are. You have very short temper, full of tantrums...The things you say to me. Already judging me as a rebellious teenager. You can be really rude sometimes. Still your heart is raw and pure and passionate. And I am your biggest admirer as always.
Only thing, you are just a hearts person as me. When you are sad , you are very sad. You cling on to that unhappiness for long. You get frustrated and irritated also , at every little time, when things are not going according to your plans. Gal, this you must learn to control. May be by this time, when you are reading this, you might already have mastered it. Now you are just a 4 year old free spirit. Never ever allow any one or anything to be reason of your unhappiness. You find your happiness in your own heart. Do the right things always, you will be happy. How will you know what is a right thing. If it is bringing smiles to someone else, it ought to be a right thing. Always keep that perspective. Mom loves this poem so much. So posting it down here. You can grow to be an atheist or believer.That is your free will. In the latter case, just replace God with your own consciousness and it will be alright. Love you 3000- Amma.
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